


Reboot

by Erimthar



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/F, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8134831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erimthar/pseuds/Erimthar
Summary: Eleanor asks Janet about sex in the Good Place, and they're both surprised by what happens next.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, a brand-new fandom to write naughty femslash about. Not sure if this is the first-ever Good Place fanfic, but I don't see any other on AO3, or FF.net, or Google for that matter. Hopefully the show does well enough that this is not also the last Good Place fanfic.

Eleanor peered out the window, watching Chidi until he disappeared from sight. He was on his way to a feedback meeting with Michael about his book. It would be at least an hour before he came back, with a smile plastered on his face and a panicked look in his eyes.

She sat down on the edge of her bed and cleared her throat. “Janet?” she called.

The afterlife’s resident Google Girl popped into existence a few feet away, making Eleanor jump even though she was fully expecting it. She had an irrational fear of people who could pop in and catch you doing things you weren’t supposed to be doing. Oh, wait... that was a rational fear.

Janet was wearing her usual ensemble: purple vest and skirt over a sort-of-paisley shirt, with a matching ascot. She looked like Prince’s librarian, if Prince had a librarian circa 1975. Or ever. Eleanor assumed Michael had picked out Janet’s wardrobe, with all the knowledge that lifelong bachelors had of women’s fashion.

“Janet... um, you said that anything we ask you is totally confidential, right?”

“That is correct.”

“Well, I was wondering about the rules for... you know, the horizontal bop. The humpty dance. Gettin’ jiggy with it. You know?”

Janet thought for a moment. “Those are all outdated musical euphemisms for sex.”

“Yeah! That’s the one. Sex. What are the rules for sex?”

“Well... when two people love each other very much, they...”

“No... no, I mean, what are the rules for sex _here_. Is it... you know... allowed?”

Janet smiled. “Of course it’s allowed. It wouldn’t be the Good Place if there was no sex, would it?”

“Oh, yeah, I totally agree,” Eleanor said, relieved. “It’s just that you never know about places like this. Stuff like vows of celibacy and all that. I imagine there are a lot of religious people here.”

“No more so than in the living world, actually,” Janet said.

“Oh. Okay. So, we’re good to go with sex. And at the end we have... you know, an orgasm? And not _kind thoughts_ or _memories of cat pictures_ , or anything like that.”

“I can assure you, orgasms are approved. You see, sex here in the Good Place is free of most of the questions of responsibility it has in the living world. Unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases don’t happen here, so as long as sex is entirely between consenting adults, there are no issues.”

“Heh. That must be rough on all the horny 15-year-olds who die and come here.”

“Yes. They masturbate quite a lot.”

“ _Ooooo_... kay. Awkwardly changing the subject, is there any penalty for cheating on your soulmate?”

“The soulmate relationship is often, but not always, sexual in nature,” Janet clarified. “Cheating on a committed partner is frowned upon, of course. Eleanor, if you’re looking for potential romantic partners, I can help you with that.”

“Oh? So you’re Siri and Google and YouTube _and_ eHarmony all wrapped in one?”

“Yes,” Janet said. “I can recommend the people in this neighborhood you would be most romantically compatible with.”

“Well, set me up, sister!”

Janet adopted a thoughtful pose, gazing up toward the ceiling. “Let’s see. Taking the 300 residents of this neighborhood and subtracting the ones who are in committed relationships, minus the heterosexual women, minus the homosexual men, minus the ones who simply aren’t attracted to you, I come up with.... zero matches.”

Eleanor’s face fell.

“Of course,” Janet said matter-of-factly, “you could have sex with me.”

Eleanor blinked. Several times.

“With you? Wait... so along with _all that other stuff_ , you’re also some kind of sex robot?”

“I’m not a robot,” Janet said with a smile. “My physical form is a that of a completely anatomically correct, warm-bodied human female, approximately 35 years old. But yes, I can have sex, although no one has ever asked me to do so yet. Would you like to?”

A grin slowly came over Eleanor’s face. “This afterlife thing is a lot different than I thought it would be. Um, I never really considered myself a lesbian...”

“I understand,” Janet said.

“...Until now. Hooray for shoes and rainbows and flannel and toaster ovens. Those are lesbian things, right? Let’s do this! How do we start?”

“I believe nudity would be a useful first step.”

“Riiiiight,” Eleanor said. “Right. I like the cut of your jib, lady. Always thinking.” She hauled down her jeans and unbuttoned her blouse, all under Janet’s unfailingly pleasant gaze. Eleanor felt like she was stripping for her teacher. It turned her on.

In a few moments she stood proudly and aggressively naked in front of the heavenly digital assistant. “Well? What do you think?”

Janet’s gaze travelled up and down her body. If Eleanor didn’t know better, she’d think she was being ogled.

“You have an objectively beautiful body,” Janet said.

“I know, right? You wouldn’t think so, but french fries, sugar, hops, barley... all that stuff is vegetables.”

“It’s certainly worked for you.”

“And why are _you_ still dressed, girlfriend?” Eleanor clapped her hands like a tyrannical exercise instructor. “Chop chop... I want to see a lot less purple and a lot more pink!”

“I’m sorry,” Janet said. “I was distracted.” And suddenly, she was naked. Her clothes seemed to have teleported instantly off her body to various unlikely parts of the room. The purple vest hung off the headboard of the bed, while the matching skirt draped over the top of the floor lamp. Janet’s bra hung draped over the top of Eleanor’s head, its straps dangling down to her shoulders.

She pulled it off and tossed it aside. “That’s a pretty good trick,” she said. Then she took a good look at Janet.

“Holy shirt,” she said. “Holy forking mother of shirt. Look at the body you’ve been hiding under that frumpy nerd costume. Look at those legs. Look at that amazing rack. I mean, just _look_ at you.”

Janet looked down at herself obediently.

“Who knew?” Eleanor said, wonderingly.

“Six people have seen me in the nude,” Janet replied, taking the question literally. “Any of them could offer commentary on the amazingness of my rack. Shall I go get that information for you?”

“Don’t you dare go anywhere, babe,” Eleanor growled. “Why don’t you walk that hot bass over here so we can get busy?”

Janet stood where she was, clearly not understanding the question. “A bass is a type of fish,” she offered, finally. “Alternatively, a person with the surname Bass. I do not have a bass right now. Would you like me to get one?”

Eleanor sighed in frustration. “Is that word banned too? It’s not fair. I mean, I’m pretty sure that word is in the Bible. You shouldn’t be able to ban words that are in the Bible.”

That gave her an idea. Maybe _context_ and _intent_ mattered with some of these forbidden words.

She imagined Janet standing there, leading a donkey on a rope. The donkey was casually on fire.

“Why don’t you walk that hot ass over here, Janet?”

It worked! She pictured Janet holding a cat.

“Come over here so I can play with your pussy.”

Janet walked over and stood in front of Eleanor, who was sitting on the bed. Eleanor could smell her scent... body wash or shampoo or alien robot hormones or something. Something nice.

“What would you like to do first?” Janet inquired.

“Well, babe, how about you go down on me?”

Janet took the request literally, because of course she did. She climbed up on the bed and lowered her entire body down on top of Eleanor’s.

“ _Oooof_ ,” Eleanor said. “You know, I meant _go down on me_ as in giving me oral sex. But, um, this is kind of nice too...”

Janet’s face was very close to Eleanor’s now. Her big boobs were pressed right against Eleanor’s not huge but nothing to be ashamed of ones.

“Oral sex, coming right up,” Janet purred, and kissed Eleanor’s mouth, long and hard.

And that’s when the afterlife started being Heaven.

Janet dragged her fat jugs down the front of Eleanor’s squirming body, trailing behind with a stream of kisses and licks and little nips of her teeth that had the dead blonde whimpering like she hadn’t since her heart was last beating. And when Janet finally reached her destination, Eleanor made the windows rattle with forks and shirts and pleas for Janet to keep eating her crunt.

Janet seemed to take the concept of pussy-eating very close to literally. She ran her freakishly long tongue up deep into Eleanor’s vagina, licking her out like she was sozzling out a tea kettle with a brush. The tongue swirled around in circles, it lapped up against the roof and left and right against the walls, it slid in and out like a tentacle in some weird Japanese porno.

Eleanor grabbed hold of Janet’s dark hair with both fists, arched her back, screamed out the heavenly assistant’s name, and had an orgasm that turned her inside out and upside down and back again.

As she lay there, gasping for breath and sobbing with the aftershocks of her climax, Janet pulled herself up and snuggled alongside her. “How did I do?”

Eleanor giggled. “Are you looking for a Yelp rating? How about we see how loud I can make you yelp?”

Janet smiled big. “Does that mean you intend to reciprocate?”

“Yeah! I mean, if you have time. You don’t have to go back to reminding people about meetings or finding the cheapest flights for them, do you?”

“I can do more than one thing at once,” Janet said. “I’ve helped seven other people in the time I’ve been here helping you. Though none of them in quite the same way.”

“You are awesome,” Eleanor said, meaning it, and got another big smile in return. “Um, just to make clear... me reciprocating makes me a good person, right? I mean, it’s a sign of not being selfish.”

“Of course,” Janet said. “But this is the Good Place. You don’t have anything left to prove.”

Eleanor grinned, and hauled herself up to sit on the edge of the bed. She slapped her thighs with her hands. “Sit,” she ordered.

“In your lap?”

Eleanor nodded.

Janet stood up and seated herself awkwardly in Eleanor’s lap, ventriloquist dummy style. It took a moment to get into a position where they were both stable and comfortable.

“Now,” Eleanor said, holding up her left hand with her middle and index fingers extended. “These two fingers are going to be your second and third best friends in the world. Take them in your mouth, and suck them. Get them nice and wet.”

Janet complied. Eleanor closed her eyes and sighed as Janet’s warm, wet mouth engulfed her fingers... and that tongue, which had just done such excruciating things to her. She was very aware of Janet’s bare bottom pressed against her thighs. As the brunette AI sucked her fingers, Eleanor shifted slightly backward so she’d be able to rub her pussy against the edge of the mattress while she was getting Janet off.

Reluctantly, Eleanor pulled her soaking wet fingers out. She held up the thumb of the same hand. “And this is going to be your _very best_ friend in the world. Give it a good suck, too.”

The things Janet did to Eleanor’s thumb with her mouth made Eleanor wish she could be a man, just for a few moments. That would definitely be as long as it would take.

And then it was time. “Okay, young lady,” Eleanor said. “I don’t want you to ever forget who it was that took away your robot virginity.”

“I’m not a rob..... oh. _Oh!_ ”

Eleanor slid her middle finger up into Janet, followed by the index finger (much more slowly, and with difficulty).

Janet’s insides felt very much like Eleanor’s own did when she masturbated, except tighter and slightly less wet... although getting rapidly wetter. Eleanor found herself wondering who had designed such a weirdly complete artificial woman. Michael? He didn’t seem like the type. His creation would more likely resemble a department store mannequin.

Janet’s great big left boob was practically smacking Eleanor in the face, so she took the stiffening brown nipple into her mouth and sucked it. She wiggled her two fingers inside Janet until the wetness started dribbling out onto her hand, and then she began sliding them slowly in and out like a cock, while also gently rubbing Janet’s clit with her thumb.

Eleanor got so absorbed with her fingering and sucking, and rubbing her own cooter against the edge of the bed, that it was several minutes before she realized that Janet hadn’t made a sound since that initial _Oh!_ She also wasn’t moving nearly as much as a woman being finger-fucked should.

She let the nipple drop out of her mouth and glanced up at Janet’s smiling face, which was gazing down at her with mild interest.

“Are you... does what I’m doing feel good, Janet?”

Janet nodded enthusiastically. “I think I’m going to come,” she said in that same sunny tour-guide voice she always used. “Service may be interrupted for up to several minutes. I apologize for any inconvenience.”

“What?”

Janet’s body suddenly stiffened. Her face broke into a huge goofy grin, and her eyes crossed.

She was making what looked like a comical parody of an orgasm face, doing everything but sticking out her tongue at a wacky angle. Eleanor felt a momentary flush of anger, thinking that Janet was making fun of her. Until she suddenly felt Janet’s inside muscles spasm on her with finger-crushing force.

Janet’s pussy gushed and flooded all over Eleanor’s hand and down onto her thighs. Her vagina continued grabbing and releasing the blonde woman’s fingers powerfully enough to hurt. The whole time, her body remained rigid and her face wore than manic grin and cross-eyed stare.

“Janet?” Eleanor called, panicking a bit. “Janet? Oh, man, I think I broke her. Oh, I’m gonna be in so much trouble. Sorry, everybody, you don’t get a happy afterlife because Eleanor Shellstrop fucked the world’s operating system to death...”

Eleanor finally extricated her hand from Janet’s birth canal and began smacking the brunette lightly on the cheek. “Janet... Janet, speak to me!”

At last, Janet’s eyes uncrossed. She looked at Eleanor, still grinning.

“Oh, thank God... Janet, you in there?”

“Rebooting...” Janet said, pleasantly.

“What? Are you okay?”

“Rebooting...” Janet repeated serenely.

“Jan, baby, Chidi is going to be back pretty soon. Hello? Heaven to Janet...”

Janet’s eyes refocused. “System back online. Hello, Eleanor. Would you like a cigarette?”

Eleanor’s eyes lit up. “Are you kidding? I would _love_ a cigarette!”

Two cigarettes appeared in Janet’s hand. She passed one to Eleanor. The two women stood there for a few moments with the smokes sticking out of their mouths.

“Uh... got a light?” Eleanor ventured to ask.

Janet took the cigarette out of her mouth. “Oh... no, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in the Good Place.”

Eleanor sighed and threw the cigarette over her shoulder. “Of course there isn’t.”

Janet blithely took a drag on her unlit cig. “Eleanor, I want to thank you. I can’t tell you how much I needed a good, hard reboot. My memory is cleared and I’m thinking much more efficiently now. The birds are shining, the sun is singing, the flowers are smelling, and I’m in love with you.”

Eleanor was stunned. “What? What was that last thing? You’re in _love_ with me?”

“Did I say that?”

“Yes, you did.”

“I’m sorry. That must just have been a bit of lingering confusion. From you rebooting the living daylights out of me, you know. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal as soon as my system stabilizes.”

Janet went and stood in the middle of the room, and all of her clothes teleported back onto her body. She frowned slightly. “Eleanor... have you seen my underpants anywhere around here?”

Eleanor looked around, and finally found the granny panties in question on the bed underneath her butt. She held them out to Janet.

“Thank you,” Janet said, stepping into the panties and pulling them up... giving Eleanor a nice last long look at her legs as she did so.

“I’d like to remind you that I’m available for this any time you’d like,” Janet said. “If you want to have sex with me once or twice or five or six times a week, you only have to call.”

“I will definitely remember that,” Eleanor said with a thumbs-up. “Count on it.”

Janet smiled. “If you don’t need me for anything else, I’ll log off now. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, babe.”

Janet winked out. Eleanor groaned and flopped backwards on the bed. She put her aching fingers in her mouth and sucked them. They tasted like Janet. Janet tasted nice.

Janet winked back into existence. “Just so you know,” she said, “I can appear in a variety of costumes if you’d prefer. Nurse, schoolgirl, stewardess, prostitute, policewoman, jungle girl, leather dominatrix...”

“I’ll go down that list and get back to you next time,” Eleanor promised. “Goodbye, Janet.”

Janet winked out again.

Eleanor got to her feet and started collecting her clothes.

“About the dominatrix thing,” Janet said, winking back in. “I can’t actually inflict pain on you, you understand. But I can speak very assertively. Also, I’m willing to submit to light to moderate spanking, or being tied down on your bed so you can...”

“ _Thank you_ , Janet,” Eleanor snapped. “Dismissed!”

Janet smiled as usual and disappeared.

Eleanor sighed and glanced out the window. And caught sight of Chidi coming up the sidewalk!

 _Oh, holy shirts and shorts._ She was still nude. Her only hope was a frantic dive into the bathroom.

She had just clicked the bathroom door shut behind her when she heard Chidi come in the front door.

“Eleanor?” he called. “Are you home?”

“I’m taking a shower!” she called back. “Don’t come in! I’m naked!”

“You won’t believe what I saw in the park on my walk back home,” he called. “Two brand-new hills, about twenty feet high. They look an awful lot like a pair of breasts. You know anything about this?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you!” Eleanor called. “ _Fwooooosssshhhhh!_ ” She made the world’s most unconvincing shower sound with her mouth until she was able to get into the shower stall and turn the water on for real.

Chidi shook his head. “I think I’m going to put in a request for a frontal lobotomy tomorrow morning,” he said to himself.

 


End file.
